the big three-oh.

In less than 8 months I will be turning 30.  Saying that out loud makes me feel really freaking old.  I guess this is kind of like my "mid mid-life" crisis time.  I'm at a weird place right now.  We only have 14 months left here at RMC, and then we are being posted... well maybe posted, maybe just Paul will be going to the next place and we will be apart for 6-8 months while he's on course depending on whether or not they change it from a posting to a course.  And I don't know what to do with myself.  I love being a SAHM to Norabear.  She is my world.  But it's coming up to my "one year" mark and I have to let all of my employers know if I'm coming back or not.  I want to keep some hours at Carter's, really only because I want the sweet discount.  I would LOVE to go back to teaching dance, but with one car and teaching being a half hour drive away, it's not really feasible.  PLUS with the dancing, it doesn't start until September and then if we are posted, we will be leaving in May, dance "season" doesn't end until June, so I will have to leave early and that's not fair to my students or the studio.  And the gym... well I don't think I want to go back, I may stay on as casual and pick up a shift here or there if they really need me.  So back to my dilemma.  What do I do with myself?  I feel like I'm not really contributing to our household (don't say that to Paul, he goes on and on about how I'm raising our daughter and that's a huge contribution), but I'm talking money wise.  I see bills and things we want to buy and it's frustrating because I feel like I'm not doing anything.  And I knew that going into a military relationship, whatever "career" path I choose, it needs to be flexible, because we will only be in the same place for 4 years max. usually.  And that's if we are lucky, we might move every 2-3 years, who knows?  

Hmm, this turned into kind of a downer post... I love being at home with my baby, I just feel like sometimes my identity is Nora's Mom, or Paul's wife.  Not Karen.  

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  1. I feel like this, too . All the time. It's a constant back and forth.